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A Secret Thought Chapters 17-24

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1 A Secret Thought Chapters 17-24 on Thu Nov 04, 2010 11:42 pm


Chapter 17 - The Truth of it All

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Ron mumbled to Harry, trying to stay as far away from his as possible but still being hidden beneath the invisibility cloak. “I mean it was bad enough dealing with my sister when we wouldn’t let her come, but imagine if McGonagall catches us?” he reminded the raven-haired boy who stood silent beside him.

“Shut up, Ron, I think they’re coming. Anyways, Ginny understood that there wouldn’t be enough room for her to safely hide all three of us,” Harry mumbled. “Now hush up, here they are,” he jabbed Ron in the ribs. The carriage shook as Professor McGonagall climbed aboard, followed by a very nervous looking Hermione. Ron saw how shallow her cheeks were and the pain hidden in her chocolate brown eyes, but said nothing.
He was on the verge of screaming when he saw that Draco Malfoy climbed in behind her. Did Hermione invite that stupid ferret? He saw red as Malfoy sat strangely close to Hermione and gave her a reassuring smile.
That was his job.
Glancing at Professor McGonagall, Ron and Harry could see that she wasn’t too pleased with the situation either.

“Are you prepared?” she asked Hermione tightly. Hermione nodded grimly and stared straight at Ron and Harry. At first he thought that she could see him, but she was simply staring through the window in which they stood in front of.

“Granger, are you alright?” Malfoy asked her stiffly, nervous to be speaking to her in front of the Professor.

If she were she wouldn’t be going to St. Mungo’s… or be sitting here with you Ron thought grimly as he stared at them. Hermione looked at him and gave him a sweet smile, one that made Ron’s blood boil. He felt Harry nudge him briefly, but Ron ignored it. He couldn’t stop staring at Draco and Hermione.

“Yes,” she whispered and Ron’s eyes widened when he saw that the side of her hand was pressed gently against Malfoy’s. They were just sitting next to each other; of course they were going to touch. Still, Hermione should be drawing away as if he were acid. How is it that she chose him? Questions and logic were blurred by his anger.

“I see you two really took my warning to be civil to heart,” Professor McGonagall said through narrowed eyes. Hermione looked at Malfoy in a way that made Ron pull at his hair to keep from screaming.

“Well, he’s the only one who… he… I mean Professor, he lives with me,” she said. She narrowed her eyes at Hermione. “He sees me every morning, night, and day. He doesn’t know… but he’s the one person that knows the most. He knows which medication is which and how to help me in case of emergency. I brought him with me because… I guess he’s sort of become my safety net,” she said slowly. Malfoy seemed unaffected by this explanation.
Professor McGonagall smiled lightly.

“Well I’m happy that you put aside your personal and public differences to help overcome the current… problem,” she finished tightly and looking at the ground, ashamed of bringing it up. Hermione sighed and looked out the window again. Her lips moved as if she were speaking to herself.
Ron wanted to be her safety net. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to be there to help her when he was in trouble. But now because of her stupid Head Girl duties she was being pulled away from him and drawn towards that foul good-for-nothing egotistical bastard Malfoy.
They all sat in silence for the rest of the long journey to St. Mungo’s. Ron continued to give Draco his invisible death stare and Hermione continued to look right through him… literally.

Ron was too busy thinking to notice Harry leading him out of the carriage and into St. Mungo’s. He didn’t notice them checking in or even creeping along with them until they reached the destination.
Harry nudged Ron and when he looked up, he saw Professor McGonagall and Malfoy sitting in the waiting room impatiently. They both looked afraid, grim, and just plain petrified.
There was no sign of Hermione.
Ron led Harry a safe distance away from the two.

“What’s going on?” he asked. Harry rolled his eyes.

“You were so busy being pissed about Malfoy that you didn’t even notice Hermione go away with those Healers. She’s been gone for nearly twenty minutes,” Harry grumbled.

“In the name of Merlin, it’s been that long?” Ron exclaimed and Harry quieted him.

“Yes. She should be coming out any minute now,” Harry whispered. “Ron, I don’t think this was a very good idea. We should just go back to the carriage now…”

“NO! We came all the way here and we’re not backing down now,” Ron said angrily. He looked around. “Plus, the news can’t be that horrible, can it?” he grumbled. A door swung open with a whoosh of air and they froze in silence. They were too far away to hear what was happening.
Hermione came out, walking stiffly. A smile was plastered across her face. There was something wrong with her though. She was walking too stiffly. The smile was too wide. It was fake, and it was all wrong. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong…
That wasn’t true though. Hermione was standing there firmly, smiling. Nothing could be wrong.
Ron felt the fear and anxiety slowing lifting off of his shoulders…

Hermione collapsed to the floor, her body shaking with violent sobbing. Her hair hung in her face and she screamed in anger and pain and began to beat the floor violently. The Healers stood there watching, their heads lowered sadly.
Professor McGonagall watched in horror as tears filled her usually stern eyes. She buried her face in her hands and began to cry. Her cries were whispers compared to Hermione’s pained and nightmarish screams and wails.
Malfoy slid onto the floor beside her, calm and reassuring. He gathered her into his arms and held her tightly against his chest, pressing his lips against her head. She clung to him desperately, her face twisted as she sobbed and curled up against him. She looked as if she wanted to disappear and just melt into him. She looked like she wanted to die.

Ron and Harry could do nothing. They just stood there, helpless and unable to help their dearest friend in the world. They watched the tears and screams of anguish and they couldn’t move. They were rooted to the floor.
A single tear slipped from Ron’s eye. His lip trembled and his body shivered. A sudden revelation had come over him, one that he should have realized long ago. One that was so obvious but he had been denying since the first day he saw her at the beginning of the year.

Hermione Granger, his best friend and the girl he loved more than anything, was dying.

And there was nothing anyone could do to save her.


2 Re: A Secret Thought Chapters 17-24 on Thu Nov 04, 2010 11:43 pm


Chapter 18 - Hagrid's Thoughts

That evening, Hermione walked slowly throughout the grounds. She had rushed from the carriage, not giving Professor McGonagall or Malfoy a chance to say anything. She wondered if the word had spread throughout the faculty yet. It was such great news, wasn’t it?
She sighed and wiped the tears slowly from her eyes. She was heading to Hagrid’s Hut. He had a right to know directly from her. She had an obligation to tell him.
So with a deep breath she climbed the oversized steps and knocked heavily on the door to his home. He opened it up with a cheery smile on his face. His smile faltered just barely when he saw her. He had grown accustomed to her illness. She wondered how he’d react to the news she had now.

“Hermione! Come in, come in,” he said happily and motioned for her to join him. She stepped in quietly, wrapping her arms tightly around her. She sighed sadly, closing her eyes. She sat down in one of the oversized chairs.
He bustled about, preparing her a mug of tea. She smiled at him. She was going to miss Hagrid so much.

“How are you?” she asked shakily.

“Doing mighty good. Dumbledore said that he might even let me keep a dragon at the castle if I can tame him. Dumbledore’s a great man, Hermione. A great man. Ain’t one greater,” he said and praised Professor Dumbledore as he set the mug of tea in front of Hermione.
She wrapped her ice-cold fingers around the hot glass. She stared into the tea, making it swirl gently and steadily.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. He sat down and leaned in close, listening to her. She looked up at him, trying her best to restrain the tears.

“I had my appointment at St. Mungo’s this afternoon,” she said with a shrug. Hagrid raised his large bushy eyebrows.

“Really? How’d that go?” he asked and sipped his tea, his eyes studying her face intently.

“Not too good, Hagrid,” she said. The tears overcame her and she lowered her eyes, her voice having gone weak. She took steady breaths. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.
He set his mug down carefully.

“How much not good?” he asked, his voice cracking nervously. He cleared his throat, “Excuse me,” he whispered. Hermione looked up at him, a tear falling from her eye slowly. Her lip trembled and she took another deep breath.

“Hagrid… if it weren’t for magic I wouldn’t have been able to last thing long… even with magical treatment I won’t… I won’t… I might not be able to graduate,” she whispered. Hagrid’s hands were shaking horrible.

“No… no… there has to be a way,” he said and tried to hide the tears in his eyes. Hermione let a sob escape her before she regained her composure.

“No… muggle doctors and magical healers have done everything…” she whispered. “The healers offered remedies that would prolong it…”

“That’s great!”

“I refused them. It required my constant residency at St. Mungo’s, and things that would have… I wouldn’t be the same. I refused every treatment offered. If I’m not going to last I at least want the last of my time to be as normal as possible,” she said and then clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her sobbing.
Hagrid buried his face in his hands and sobbed heavily. His enormous body trembled and caused the china to rattle.
She rushed over to his side and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He returned the embrace, taking comfort from her small body. He sobbed against her and she stroked his mane of unruly hair.
After about half an hour of tears and silence, he finally spoke.

“How did Harry and Ron and Ginny take it?” he asked and wiped his nose along his giant arm. Hermione shied away, adverting her eyes and facing the door.

“They don’t know,” she said. “I can’t tell them,” she added. Hagrid shook his head.

“you have to tell them! This isn’t right, Hermione!” he exclaimed, standing up. Hermione looked up at his massive figure. “you promised you’d tell them!”

“That’s when I thought I was going to LIVE!” Hermione screamed and collapsed to the floor. Hagrid was silent as she sat in a small ball on the floor. “I really thought I was… I thought I was… I didn’t think… Hagrid I’m only seventeen,” she sobbed.
He sat next to her and wrapped his heavy arm around her shoulder.

“It will be alright, Hermione. You need your friends through this, though. This is something you can’t handle alone,” he said and kissed the top of her head.
She shook her head and sighed.

“How do you think they’d act? How do you think they’d treat me, Hagrid? I want my last days to be the best days… and they can’t be that way if they’re treating me like china. I just want everything to be normal,” she whispered. She then looked up at Hagrid with a weak and trembling smile. “And I’m not alone… thank you for being here Hagrid,” she added.
Tears filled his eyes again at the thought of losing Hermione, and he cried quietly and held her tightly, treasuring his time he had with her.


3 Re: A Secret Thought Chapters 17-24 on Thu Nov 04, 2010 11:45 pm


Chapter 19 - Everything

When Hermione stood in front of Sir Bentley, her eyes red and sore and her lip trembling, she didn’t know what to do. Should she go inside and face Malfoy? Should she tell him exactly what was the matter? Was she strong enough to force herself to tell the world?

“Miss Granger?” Sir Bentley asked. “Are you alright?”

“No, I’m not,” she answered and gave him a sad smile. “Charlatan,” she whispered and he nodded deeply before swinging out of her way. She stepped inside and was breathing shakily. She stepped into the well-lit Common Room and found Malfoy sitting in an armchair, staring into the fire.
His eyes darted up to her when he heard her footsteps. He said nothing, just stared at her with those spectacular full-moon-on-the-water eyes. She stood there, helpless and vulnerable to the world.
She took a shaky step towards him.
He rushed to her side and helped her to the couch. She was surprised at how much she leaned against Malfoy. Her head throbbed and she felt clammy. She felt drained and used up.
He helped her sit on the couch and looked at her cautiously. He took a seat by her side and continued to say nothing. She stared at him, expecting a flood of questions and assumptions. He did none of those things. He just continued to sit there silently and stare at the fire.

“We both know you want to ask,” she said sharply. Malfoy looked up at her carefully, his eyes flickering over her. He inhaled deeply.

“No, Hermione, I don’t want to. I want you to want to tell me all on your own,” he said simply and then turned towards the fire.
Hermione sat there, staring at him blankly.

“What did you just say?” she asked, her voice shaky. He looked at her and furrowed his eyebrows.

“That I want you to want to tell me,” he said though it sounded more like a question. She shook her head.

“No… you called me Hermione,” she whispered. Malfoy shrugged, a coy smile playing across his soft-looking lips.

“Well, that is your name, isn’t it?” he asked. She nodded and then pulled her eyes away from him. She couldn’t bear looking at him. He knew just what she wanted and gave it to her without any hesitancy.
That wasn’t true… not completely, at least. She wanted him, but he had not yet succumbed to her.
Did she just say that she WANTED Draco Malfoy?
She forced herself not to think about it.

“Do you think I should tell Harry and Ron?” she asked him. He flinched at the mention of the two boys.

“I can’t say. It’s your decision,” he grumbled, obviously not liking the topic of Harry and Ron. She looked at him. He was staring stubbornly into the fire. She continued to stare at him and she felt his eyes flicker towards her every now and then, but he refused to look directly at her.
The thought angered her.

“Look at me, Malfoy,” she demanded. He said nothing and did not move. “Draco, please,” she whispered and took his chin in her hands and turned him so he faced her. His look had softened and his full-moon-on-the-water eyes shined magnificently in the firelight. “What am I to you?” she asked.

“What are you rambling about?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Am I just a mud blood to you?” she asked, tears forming in her eyes. His sarcasm and amusement fell immediately and he stared at her sullenly.

“Granger, I can’t just forget what you are,” he told her apologetically. She pulled away and curled up into a tight ball as far away from him as she could. He still thought her a mud blood. He still thought she was a disgusting foul creature that muddied the earth. She had grown affectionate towards him and all he had done was hidden his disgust.

“I should have known,” she said through her forming tears. He shook his head.

“You don’t understand! I was brought up to believe mud bloods disgusting, poor people unworthy, and self-righteous pricks like Saint Potter were not qualified to be in my company!” he snapped at her. He reached out and grabbed her wrist, but she yanked it away from him.

“Just leave me alone, Malfoy!” she cried, not being able to control the tears falling freely. “I opened myself up to you… I let you see a part of me that I have guarded from the entire world! Now you’re telling me that I’m still a disgusting mud blood who is not fit to stand in your presence! How demented can you get?” she snapped at him.

“If you would just let me explain, you insufferable wench!” he snapped at her. She recoiled and gave him a poisonous glare, but was silent. “Before you started insulting me, I was telling you something. I was brought up to believe all those horrible things. I was brought up to believe that to be strong you must destroy the weak. That there was no power without evil,” he continued.

“Are you going to tell me something I don’t know? Or are you just trying to anger me to the point where I have no choice but to hit you?” she growled at him through clenched teeth. He rolled his eyes and waved his hand, dismissing her comment.

“Now, here you are. You represent everything I was told to hate and you are what all my beliefs tell me is filth. Instead, I find you the most heartfelt, sincere, compassionate, and beautiful girl I have ever met. One that has strength beyond anything I even thought possible to achieve. How am I supposed to answer your question? ‘What am I to you?’ I guess that there’s only one way to answer it, and I’m going to tell it to you bluntly no matter the consequences, humiliation, and embarrassment. You are everything I despise, everything I want, everything I loath, everything I need, everything I wish to be, everything I wish I weren’t, everything I hate, and everything I love,” he said. He took her hands in his. Her eyes were dazed and misting over, listening to every world spill gracefully from his lips.
Her heart was beating madly as he continued.

“Hermione Granger, to answer your question, you are, literally and metaphorically speaking, everything to me,” he said and gave her a small and beautiful smile. He pulled away and looked at the fire, unable to meet her eyes.
Hermione sat there in utter shock, feelings and emotions and thoughts racing madly through her body and mind. She wanted to smack him and kiss him all at the same time.
It wasn’t fair. She was being ripped away from the world the exact same time she found something she wanted more than life itself.

“Draco?” she asked quietly.

“Hmm?” he asked, his eyes flickering over to her nervously. She gave him a sad and sweet smile, tears falling happily and sadly from her eyes.

“Could you hold me?” she asked in barely a whisper. He smiled at her kindly and lifted his arm. She crawled closer to him. He gently moved her into his lap. She was so light that he barely even felt her there. She placed her head against his chest and listened to the steady and rhythmic beating of his heart. It was like a lullaby, reassuring and sweet, and she began to fall asleep.
She clung to his shirt and barely felt the gentle kiss he placed on her forehead. He wrapped his arms firmly around her body. He was surer of something than he had ever been in his entire life.

He would never let Hermione Granger go.


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