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A Secret Thought: Chapters 25 - 30

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1 A Secret Thought: Chapters 25 - 30 on Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:13 am

Mrs.KreszentiaBlack

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Chapter 25 - Bourbon and Brotherly Love
t the exact same time that Draco and Hermione were talking about how Hermione meant everything to Draco on the night before she fell down the stairs, Benjamin Harris sat in his large armchair, wearing the same clothes as he had for the past several days. His beard was unshaved and scratchy, his eyes bloodshot and swollen. His thinning hair seemed almost completely gone in the dim light of the den. He sniffled and rubbed at his eyes.
In his hands was a glass of bourbon. He swirled it around and listened to the ice chink noisily against the glass sides. He let out a shaky breath and rattled the ice even louder. He squinted against the tears and let out a strangled sob before getting control of his emotions once more.

This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t right. No one deserved such a fate. No one deserved to be eaten alive by an illness they had no control over… he tilted the glass back and swallowed the burning liquid hungrily, wishing to numb the pain and stop the endless flow of tears.

“Dad?” a voice asked from the doorway into the den. Benjamin’s eyes were itchy and he rubbed at them. He placed his spectacles on the bridge of his nose and then looked at his youngest son, who was sixteen years old.

“Hey Billy,” he said and felt the bourbon gurgle in his stomach and burn his throat. He gave his son a watery smile. “Come on over,” he said and patted the arm of his chair.
The young blonde man with incredible green/blue eyes and a bright smile had a look of sadness on him as he approached his drunken father.

“Dad, please don’t drink,” Billy pleaded as his father stood and picked up a large bottle. The liquid poured over the rattling ice. He filled it to the brim and then sipped it down so he could carry it back to his seat.

“Why not? Why can’t I drink? My son will never again taste the fine quality of this bourbon. I am doing this in his honor!” Benjamin cried out and then gulped at his beverage, it spilling over the sides of his mouth and wetting his shirt.

“Dad, we don’t know if Nathan is going to react to chemo or not,” Billy told his father reassuringly. “He can still pull through,” he added. Tears burned at his eyes. His brother, Nathaniel Harris, twenty-four years old, was dying of leukemia.
Nathan the great wizard. He had been a Prefect at Hogwarts. He had graduated with top marks. He had just been qualified to become an Auror when the cancer made itself known in his system.

“My boy, this is a punishment. I have been a sinful man and god is telling me this by taking away my son,” he said and rubbed at his eyes again and then cursing wildly at the smallest amount of alcohol that got into them.

“Dad! You need to stop blaming yourself. It’s no one’s fault that Nathan has cancer,” Billy told him.

“Don’t say that cursed word!” Benjamin shouted and then drowned his pain in the final swallow of bourbon. In a rush of anger he chucked the glass at the wall and it shattered to pieces, tinkling noisily on the floor.

“Accept it! He has CANCER! He is DYING! You drowning yourself in self-pity and alcohol aren’t going to save him, Dad! Being there for him, being optimistic, and being his family will!” Billy snapped at his father. Tears filled the older man’s eyes and he buried his face in his hands and cried silently. He did not want his son to see him in this state of mind.

“I can’t help him… what’s the point of being a doctor when you can’t even help your own SON!” Benjamin cried out. Billy shook his head.

“Dad, you’re a great doctor. You’re one of the best! But leukemia has nothing to do with neurology,” Billy whispered shakily. “You’ve saved so many lives… why not let someone else save your son’s? Don’t you think that countless other fathers have felt this way when you operated on their children?”
Benjamin collapsed into his chair.

“I just hope that bloody wizard hospital can do something for him,” he muttered. Billy smiled confidently.

“I’m sure that they can, Dad. In fact, I’m nearly positive,” he said quietly. Benjamin nodded as his eyes slowly rolled up into the back of his head. He tried to stay conscious, but the bourbon was taking its toll on the older man who had very low tolerance for alcohol. He was a doctor who did not believe in drinking, but circumstances had changed.
Billy sighed and placed a blanket over his father as he began to snore quite loudly. He quietly swept up the broken glass and threw it away. He left his father to sleep off the alcohol in the end.
Closing the door he headed into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and folded his arms, resting his hot head on the clammy skin of his forearms.
Ginny would have helped him. She would have comforted him. She would have wrapped her arms around him tightly and told him that everything would be all right. She would kiss away his tears and he would inhale her sweet scent and stroke her beautiful red hair.
But when he found out about his brother’s cancer, there was just too much for him to handle. Going to school, dealing with the illness, helping his father cope, and just plainly coping was hard enough. He couldn’t handle being dutiful and caring to a girl god knows how many miles away. There was just too much going on, and he didn’t need to drag her into it.

He missed his mother. She had been taken away from him when he was just a small boy. She had lung cancer that had slowly developed over the many years of chain smoking. His father would not have been able to deal with losing two of the people he loved most to cancer. If Nathan died, Benjamin Harris would no longer be Billy’s father. He’d be a hollowed out and numb shell, constantly relieving his sorrows by guzzling down alcohol and taking out his frustration on the glasses that he smashed and possibly even Billy.

He crept upstairs slowly. He was dreading this. He was dreading seeing Nathan. But still, he slowly opened up the door to his brother’s room.
Nathan sat at his desk, flipping through a booklet of something. His shaved head made Billy cringe. He used to have a thick head of incredible dark hair, just like his mother. Now his scalp was pale and smooth. It was all because of chemo.

“Hey Nathan,” Billy smiled and walked inside. Nathan turned around in his computer chair and smiled at his little brother.

“Hey Billy. How’s dad?” he asked. “I heard you two shouting… about me,” he added slowly. Billy sighed and nodded.

“He’s… sleeping,” Billy answered slowly. Nathan knew it meant that their father was unconscious, but still said nothing. He looked so exhausted, Billy noted. Dark circles were under his eyes and he was so pale compared to usual. He had been Billy’s role model for so long. He had been smart, handsome, athletic, and the nicest guy he had ever met. Now the cancer was slowly killing him and Billy could see that the spark of life that had once been there was slowly dimming.

“Yea… he’s been doing that a lot lately,” Nathan laughed awkwardly. “Come here, I want you to see something,” he said. Billy walked over to Nathan and at the small book he had. “My friends from school all heard about me, so they made a collection of memories and of the future,” he sighed. Billy cocked his head at first, and when he saw the photographs he smiled.
He loved everything that had to do with magic and envied his brother endlessly for his gift.

Billy saw photographs of his brother throughout his many years at Hogwarts, with friends and professors. He smiled at pictures of Nathan wrestling with his friends. There were more pictures of those friends all grown up, some of them married with children, and they were all waving brightly at Nathan and Billy.
Billy sighed loudly.

“You have some pretty great friends,” Billy mused. Nathan nodded and took a pencil in his hands. He began to twirl it about, and then he rapidly tapped the eraser against his cheek.

“Yea they do have their moments. We have that appointment tomorrow at St. Mungo’s, right?” he asked. Billy nodded. “They’ll be able to make me better, Billy. Don’t you question it,” he said with a reassuring nod. Billy clenched his teeth together and squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the tears back.

“I’m… I’m going to bed. Good night, Nathan,” he said and turned, walking out of the room to let the dying boy bask in the glorious memories of school years.

“Hey Billy?”

“Yea?”

“I love you, little bro,” Nathan said sincerely. Billy gave his brother a watery smile.

“Love you too,” he said and then rushed from the room, into his own bedroom, and threw himself down on his bed and began to cry.

Chapter 26 - The Visitor
Billy and Benjamin Harris sat in the waiting room as Nathan was taken away from them for treatment. They were assured that they did indeed have a cure for leukemia, but there wasn’t a one hundred percent guarantee that he would react to it. They sat there in silence. Benjamin was constantly rubbing his temples, the throbbing pain making his eyes water.
He really didn’t like hangovers, and the blinding white light of the wizard hospital wasn’t exactly helping either.

“You okay?” Billy asked and touched his dad’s forearm. Benjamin nodded and waved it off as if it were nothing. Billy clenched his hands into fists nervously. They had been informed that it would take all afternoon to administer the treatment, and he and his father weren’t leaving without Nathan at their side.
So they were doomed to boredom and anxiety for the rest of the day.

Or, that’s what Billy thought until doors burst open eagerly.

Healers were surrounding a body that lay stiff and floated in mid air. They were shouting nonsensical things at one another. Things about curses and enchantments, potions and rituals and strange medical terms… it was all foreign and complex to Billy.

“Poor girl,” his father muttered. Billy shot a glance to his father. Benjamin shrugged. “I’m a neurologist, Billy. Everything they said to you may sound like a foreign language to you, but to me it’s my native tongue,” he said with a small smirk.

“What was wrong with her?” Billy asked and leaned back in his chair. Benjamin sighed and scratched as his freshly shaven chin.

“Well, in lamest terms she has a massive and complex tumor weaving throughout her brain. Apparently it was expanding because of something and she blacked out and toppled down a set of stairs,” he said and rubbed at his eyes and then his temples.
Billy frowned. He stood and decided to follow the group of Healers that were still noisily rushing down the hall.

“I’m going to go check it out,” he said. Benjamin frowned.

“I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“If you woke up alone and frightened in a strange place, wouldn’t you want someone there to assure you that everything was alright?” Billy asked. Benjamin frowned.

“I would, but not a complete stranger, son! Her parents…”

“If her parents were coming then they would have already been here, don’t you think?” Billy asked stubbornly. “Anyways, doctors are complete strangers…”

“Don’t be sneaking in anywhere, Billy. If you’re allowed to see her then you may, but otherwise just keep your distance,” Benjamin muttered and squeezed his eyes shut and rested his head against the back wall. “I’m going to see if they serve coffee here… just hope I don’t get lost…” he muttered and stood, leaving.
Billy sighed and chased after the Healers who had taken a sharp right. He turned that corner and saw them nowhere. He peeked into the windows of several doors, and then found the particular one with a familiar Healer who had skin the color of an orange… it was one of the Healers who had been bringing her in.
He waited outside the door patiently. It seemed to go on forever.
Then, a group of Healers were leaving.

“Excuse me?” Billy asked. They looked him up and down slowly. The one with the Orange skin and the green eyebrows cocked his head and placed his hands firmly on his hips.

“What do you need, young man?”

“That girl in there… she’s my girlfriend. Am I allowed to go in and see her?” Billy asked, feigning the sadness and lying through clenched teeth. Orange-guy looked skeptical.

“That depends… do you know what’s wrong with her?” he asked. Billy nodded.

“Yes, sir. She has a massive and complex tumor in her brain. She was over-stressed at school and she fell down the stairs. Please could I see her?” Billy asked once more. One of the other Healers nodded to the Orange-guy. They held the door open for Billy to walk inside.
He stepped in and saw the poor girl, lying unconscious on the cot. She had thick curly light brown hair and very pale skin. She looked exhausted though she was out cold. She had that look of someone who had lost a lot of weight throughout a short period of time. He knew this look because his brother had the exact same thing.

He walked to the edge of the bed and looked at her chart. It was filled with a bunch of mumbo jumbo that he didn’t understand. What he did understand was the personal information at the top.

Granger, Hermione. Age: 17

It went on to say height, weight, and blood pressure and what not, but those didn’t matter. That name, Hermione Granger, seemed incredibly familiar. He couldn’t remember where he had heard it before.
He reached out and took her hand in his. It was small and clammy, but she returned the pressure.

“Malfoy?” she mumbled. He said nothing, just squeezed her hand even tighter. Her eyes fluttered open. Her eyes were deep chocolate brown color that had a depth that Billy had never even heard of before. She squinted and groaned at the light. After a moment or two she opened her mouth to speak.

“Who are you?” she croaked.

“My name is Billy Harris,” he answered and stroked the soft skin of her hand to comfort her. She squinted at him again and a small smile came across her face, though strained.

“Ginny was right, you’re really cute,” she replied and coughed. Billy paled.

“You know Ginny?” the girl nodded.

“She’s one of my best friends… could you get me some water?” she asked. He stood and walked to the cup of water resting on a stand. He picked it up and brought it to her, tilting it so the water barely touched her lips. She craned her head towards it and the water slowly filled her mouth. “Thank you,” she whispered and then twitched in an obvious pain.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I just tumbled down a flight of stairs,” she murmured in return. He sighed and leaned back, watching her rest. The back of her head was bandaged heavily, obviously from where she had hit her head on the steps.

“Must not be too well, then,” he replied. She looked at him curiously, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Why are you here?” she asked. He shrugged.

“My brother is in treatment right now, and I saw that you had no one to keep you company. My dad’s in the middle of a huge hangover and I didn’t exactly want to spend time with his crabby self,” he replied with a shrug. A small smirk came over Hermione. “What?” he asked.

“I told Ginny that you dumped her for some other reason than what you said. I just highly enjoy being right in my assumptions,” she said with a sigh. Billy shook his head.

“Don’t tell her that you saw me here… I don’t want to be a burden to her,” he said guiltily. Hermione sighed.

“You know, Billy, sometimes people want to be burdened. I figured that out the hard way,” she laughed hoarsely and pointed to her bandaged head. “if I had been honest with my friends since the beginning, we would have never fought and I would have never fainted and fallen down the stairs. Now someone else is going to tell them what’s wrong with me and I’m just going to regret everything. I’m going to regret not being the one to tell them,” she sighed. Billy was silent for a moment.

“Are you dying?” he finally asked. “Please don’t answer if it offends you in any way…” he tried to say, but she raised her hand.

“Muggle doctors told me I’d be dead before term started, but thanks to magical treatment I’ve last a bit longer. It was supposed to be prolonged for another two months… but only if I didn’t have an attack like this one. I suspect that the fall did some serious damage…” she started and trembled. He sighed.

“It’s alright,” he reassured her. “My brother, Nathan… he has leukemia. He wasn’t responding very well to chemo, you know. This is our last chance,” he said and ignored the burning feeling of tears in his eyes. She sighed and squeezed his hand tightly.

“He’ll pull through. Magic can do incredible things,” she said sadly. He nodded, and then looked at her.

“Why can’t they help you?” she looked at him sadly and then stared at her left hand, lying remote on her lap.

“Because of the way that the tumor is wound in my brain. It has become sort of like a muscle keeping my brain intact. If the tumor were removed, then the major functions of my brain would be disconnected permanently before there were any chance of reconnecting them,” she informed him sadly. He felt tears of pity fill his eyes when he heard this story. Nathan had cancer, and that was bad. Then again he also had a very good chance of pulling through. Here in front of him lay a condemned girl with no escape from her fate. She would die within the next two months. She was a beautiful, sweet, and intelligent seventeen-year-old girl and she would die before she ever had a chance to truly live her life.
She held his hand even tighter and gave him a reassuring smile.

“Please don’t be sad,” she whispered and he nodded, quickly rubbing the backs of his hands across his eyes.
There was a knock on the door. The orange-guy stood there looking incredibly said, his thick green eyebrows furrowed deeply.

“Miss Granger, we have some information we’d like to disclose with you. So if the young man here would be so kind…” Billy stood up, ready to leave but Hermione refused to let his hand go.

“Whatever you wish to disclose can be disclosed in front of Billy,” she told orange-guy sternly. The Healer looked unsure for a moment and then took a deep breath and began.

“The high levels of adrenaline secreted during your argument with Mr. Weasley acted like a growth serum or steroid for the tumor. It has expanded rapidly to an incredible size within a very short period of time. At the rate it is going, your estimated time of death would be October 16.” Hermione went pale.

“That’s only two weeks,” she said with a squeak of a voice, squeezing Billy’s hand so tightly he felt as if every bone were snapping. The man nodded and looked at the floor, saddened at Hermione’s condition.

He opened his mouth to say more, but Hermione raised her hand and cut him off.

“Pardon my rudeness, but don’t tell me. I don’t want to know,” she said stubbornly. The man nodded and turned, leaving she and Billy alone in the room. She gave him a watery smile.

“Hermione…” he started, but she shook her head.

“I think it would be best for you to go. Thank you for coming to see me. I won’t tell Ginny I saw you… but would it be alright if I sent you letters?” she asked sadly. Billy nodded. She smiled at him thankfully. “That would mean a lot… you know… speaking with someone who knows first hand what I’m going through… or close enough… with your brother and all…” she said quietly and then turned, staring sadly out the window.
He stood, turning and leaving quietly. He looked at her one last moment as she stared at the window. The sun filtered through the shades and lit up her face, causing the tears that spilled from her eyes to glisten. He took a sad sigh and left.

It wasn’t fair. First Nathan and now Hermione… when would the pain end?


Chapter 27 - I Said NO!
Hermione woke in Draco’s bed the next morning. Her memories flashed back to two days earlier when she had actually met Ginny’s ex-boyfriend Billy Harris in the hospital room. He had given her comfort when there was no one else there to hold her hand. She had found a friend in him, and was thankful.
Draco’s arm was stretched protectively around her stomach. The bottom two buttons of her blouse had been undone, and his bare forearm was pressed firmly against the soft, smooth skin of her stomach. She smiled and reached towards him, gently stroking his incredibly soft hair. She ran a finger along his fine cheekbone. He inhaled deeply and sighed in his sleep.
She needed to use the bathroom. She slowly started to slip from his grasp.

“You’re not going anywhere, Granger,” Malfoy mumbled sleepily and drew her into towards him, pressing her back against his stomach and curling around her. She loved the feeling of being wrapped in his powerful arms. She sighed and stayed there for a moment.
She curled her fingers around Draco’s firm ones. They were callused and rough, yet still incredibly soft and girl-like. She giggled at the thought that he had never done any work besides dueling and writing essays and such. These were calluses that she had on her own hands. She raised his fingers to her lips and kissed them gently.

“You know that does feel incredibly nice,” he mumbled and tried to turn her around.

“Not right now, Malfoy. I need to use the little girls’ room,” she giggled. He rolled his eyes and lifted his arm up regretfully to let her slide out of bed. “You know I haven’t spent a single night in your bed with actual pajamas on?” she asked as she left the room.

“Yes, I do realize that. There are all sorts of things I’d like for you to wear into my bed, too. Let’s see… we can start with nothing at all and work our way up,” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. She stuck her head back in the door and glared at him but then laughed.

“At least I know what you’re dreaming about while you’re snoring so peacefully next to me,” she called from the bathroom. He listened to the pills rattle in their bottles and frowned.

“Well it is a very entertaining dream, you know,” he said quirkily and stretched out in bed. She didn’t answer and his joints creaked and cracked and he smiled as he relaxed his muscles.
She came back into the room, still wearing her clothes and with what he assumed fresher breath.

“You know, Granger, there’s no point in making yourself decent when I’m just going to ravish you,” he said with a smirk as he hopped out of bed and wrapped his arms around her waist playfully. She giggled and placed her hands gently on his bare chest.

“Malfoy, I swear if you even try to touch me…”

“You’ll kiss me senseless?” he offered helpfully. She fluttered and eyelashes and licked her lips seductively.

“Who knows?” she asked. He dove in for a kiss, deep and playful and beautiful all at once. She pressed up against him and smiled into his lips. It couldn’t have been more perfect.
He broke away, looking devilish and charming. He walked backwards and then lay back on the bed.

“Let the kissing begin!” he laughed. Much to his surprise with a squeal of happiness Hermione rushed at him and hopped on him. He scooted up higher on the bed, enjoying this game.
Malfoy flipped her over and lay firmly on top of her, kissing her gently and sweetly. It was Hermione who wrapped her arms even tighter around his neck and deepened the kiss, loving him every second.

Hermione loved the feeling of Malfoy’s body pressing on top of her. She felt safe and protected sandwiched between Malfoy’s silky skin and Malfoy’s silky sheets

“You taste minty fresh,” Draco laughed into her mouth, hoping to ease the intensity between them. She ignored the comment and continued to kiss him, rubbing her hands over his broad shoulders and along the firm bones and muscles in his back.
She slipped her hands down and began to play with the drawstring of his pants…

“Hermione, no,” Draco hissed and pulled back, pulling her hands away. She furrowed her eyebrows, confused.

“What’s wrong Draco? Aren’t up to it yet?” she giggled and leaned in and kissed him again. Everything seemed all right as they held one another and kissed intensely.
Then Hermione flipped Draco over and kissed him wildly and desperately. She ran her hands down again...

“Hermione!” Draco snapped and pulled away. She sat up, still straddling him. He had to admit she was just about the most beautiful he had ever seen. His eyes scanned over her and met her intense chocolate eyes… and then the bandage on the back of her head from her accident just the day before.

“Draco, I want you,” she whispered and leaned back down, trying to kiss him. Draco fulfilled her wish for just a moment, but she was so desperate. He felt a cold tear fall from her eye and land on his cheek.

“Hermione, no,” he said again. In a burst of frustration he flipped her over, pinning her beneath him. He pinned her wrists down on the bed. His weight on top of her made her helpless. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

“I… said… no!” he told her sternly before backing away and letting her up. She scrambled into a sitting position on one of the pillows, tears falling silently from her eyes. “Why are you acting this way?” he asked stubbornly. He reached out for her but she recoiled from his touch, ashamed.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Draco frowned.

“There’s no need to be sorry,” he reassured her.

“Draco, I have two weeks! Just two weeks! Then I’m going to die! Do you understand that? Dead! That means I can’t kiss you, hold you, or even think of you! I can’t even want you! I’m going to leave you here to feel god knows what!” she sobbed uncontrollably. “I just wanted you to have a part of me that no one else ever had… I just wanted… I want you to think of me… I want you to remember me…” she whispered and covered her burning face with her hands, crying.
He crawled over to her, holding her in his arms.

“I’ll always remember you. Just because I joke about having sex doesn’t mean that’s all that I want from you… you’re everything to me, remember?” he asked. She nodded.

“I feel so stupid,” she giggled. Draco shrugged.

“Well just so you know, I thought you were pretty much the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever had the EXTREME pleasure of meeting,” he said coyly. She giggled and rolled her eyes.
There was an urgent knocking on the door outside. Hermione sighed and rushed out of Draco’s room and towards the door.

“Hermione! Open up! God, please open up!” a voice pleaded with her urgently. Hermione opened up the door. Harry rushed inside, tears in his incredible jade green eyes.

“Harry! What’s wrong?” she cried out and placed her hands on his shoulders. He looked at her and the tears began to fall.

“It’s all my fault… oh god… oh god I’ve done something terrible… Hermione I’ve killed him…”


Chapter 28 - Afraid
(A/N: IMPORTANT!!!!! This chapter does not explain the cliffhanger in Chapter 27. This is like what i did with Billy Harris' story... I went back in time a day or two so you know what Harry's story was and what led up to Chapter 27. I hope that clears some things up!!)


Harry had a secret. Of course Harry had a secret. He was Harry Potter.

What no one knew was that seeing as Hermione was in quite an awful state, Harry Potter stayed quiet. The guilt about what had happened to Sirius was boiling up inside slowly. It was building up. Every night his dreams were filled with horrible nightmares where Sirius was murdered in various ways, and Harry had just stood there helpless.
He had woken up crying every night.
Since he found out about Hermione’s illness, it had been even worse…

A few of them were still battling, and most of them were unaware that Albus Dumbledore had just arrived to help them. Harry watched as he fought off the Death Eaters. He stood with Neville and his eyes flickered over to Sirius Black, his godfather, the man that he had meant to be his savior.
Hermione was nowhere in sight… she was unconscious somewhere… but he had no time to think about this. He was supporting Neville to stand as he watched the battle continue.
He saw Sirius battling with Bellatrix Lestrange… he watched as Sirius ducked the jet of red light.

“Come on, you can do better than that!” Sirius laughed. He just kept on laughing at her, a smile spread wide on his face as if he were having the time of his life.
This was the part Harry dreaded most. This was the part was the part where he tried to call out to his godfather, tried to protect him, but would fail.

“Sirius, watch out!” Harry tried to scream, but no sound spilled from his lips. Sirius laughed again, his voice echoing through out the room. “SIRIUS!” Harry screamed once more as a second jet of pure blood red light hit him square in the chest. Harry froze as if he were made of ice.
Laughter was still clinging to the dark pools of Sirius’ eyes as they widened in shock at being struck.

Harry dropped Neville and pulled out his wand, trying to get to Sirius before it was too late. Dumbledore turned to the dais as Harry watched Sirius helplessly.
Then, something else happened… Hermione was there…

She’s supposed to be unconscious and safe somewhere… Harry thought.

Hermione was running towards Sirius at incredible speed. She was beautiful, compassion and love and the world pulsing in those chocolate brown eyes.
It seemed to take forever for Sirius to fall and Hermione to reach him. Harry could still save them. There was still time… he reached out to save the two of them…

“No Harry,” Dumbledore said as he placed his hand on Harry’s arm and lowered it slowly.

“I have to save them!” Harry sobbed as he watched Hermione grasp hold of Sirius’ arm and try to help, but instead she was being pulled down with him.

“No Harry. You have to let them die. You’re too late to help them. You let them down, and now it’s too late… they’re dead,” Dumbledore said in resolution as his best friend and his godfather disappeared beyond the veil which gave a soft flutter.
They had just fallen through the archway and would reappear any second! He watched expectantly… but the two did not return.

“SIRIUS! HERMIONE!” he screamed in horror. He ran towards the archway, towards the veil, but his feet were melting to the floor and the archway seemed to be swallowing itself hole, disappearing into some sort of invisible black hole…

“NO!” he sobbed in horror as the archway disappeared into itself.

Dumbledore placed a soft hand on Harry’s shoulder and sighed.

“You let them die, Harry. You let them die and they’ll never forgive you for It.”


Harry woke up screaming in horror at what he had just seen. Something rippled through his body as that scream released all the pain and frustration he felt after the dream.
He slammed the heels of his hands to his temples with sweat dripping from his scalp. His scar burned lividly and he screamed again. There was an audible cracking sound. He screamed until he was breathless, trying to block out the images of Sirius and Hermione falling beyond the veil, helpless…

“Harry!” someone was screaming though he didn’t hear it. “Harry!”

Someone was shaking him violently by the shoulders. Harry’s eyes fluttered open and tears spilled heavily from his eyes. Ron stood there in front of him, only recognizable by his vivid red hair. He fumbled for his glasses and slipped them onto his nose. Worry was plastered over his best friend’s face.

“Oh god, Ron,” Harry mumbled and covered his face.

“Are you all right, Mate? Bloody hell I thought you were dying or something!” Ron exclaimed, having gone incredibly pale. Harry shook his head, his breathing heavy.

“Just a nightmare… just a dream…” he reassured himself.

“Must have been a hell of a nightmare,” Ron mused and then let out an impressed whistle. Harry shot a look up at Ron, who was looking above his head.

“Why do you say that?” Harry demanded. Ron just merely pointed above Harry’s head. Harry turned around and looked where he was pointing. The glass window two feet above his head that was at least five inches thick had a split going right down the center, all the way through. Small little cracks stretched from the larger one, causing it to look as if the glass were on the verge of shattering.

Harry hugged himself and trembled. He was no longer afraid of his nightmare…

He was afraid of himself.


Chapter 29 - Murder
(A/N: This chapter is continuing off of Chapter 28 and leading up to Chapter 27... I hope that makes sense!!)



Harry was running towards Sirius and Hermione as they were falling towards the veil. This time, Dumbledore was not there to hold him back. This time he reached them… but not in time. This time they had saved themselves. Hermione had helped Sirius and they stood, merely inches from the looming veil.
Harry was on the verge of bursting into tears when he saw this. He smiled and threw his arms tightly around Sirius, and then tightly around Hermione. They embraced him gratefully. There was no battle going on behind him. It was just the three of them, smiling and laughing. Everything was perfect.

“See Harry, I told you I’d always be here for you,” Sirius said and ruffled Harry’s hair. “You would have sacrificed yourself to save me. You’re so much like your father,” Sirius said with admiration in his eyes. Tears welled up in the vivid jade color of Harry’s eyes and he bit his lip to refrain from crying.

“And you really didn’t think some nasty tumor was going to kill me, did you Harry? I mean you’re hopeless at Potions without me. I can’t very well leave you behind to lumber through it on your own,” she said with a bright smile. She was no longer skinny and frail, but full-figured and strong. He couldn’t help but let the tears spill heavily from his eyes.

“You’re both alive!” he exclaimed, still not quite believing. He had seen the two fall behind the veil so many times that the two of them actually surviving was unbelievable.

“Of course Harry. Unless you call us standing here talking to you being something other than alive… then again I did once have a cat that died and still followed me about weeks after,” Sirius pondered. Hermione smiled up at him and then turned her radiance to Harry.

“I swear Harry, you’re a mess! No wonder you weren’t made Prefect… just look at the state of you! Now please try to do something with your hair,” she mumbled and shook her head. Harry laughed at her motherly advice and tried to smooth down his ruffled, raven hair.

“I thought you two died… you’re alive!” he exclaimed again.

“Yes, but your parents are. You’re the reason they’re dead,” Sirius said with a sigh. Harry’s smile fell.

“No… what are you saying?” Harry asked in horror. Emotions were beginning to build in his chest.

“Harry, everyone knows it’s your fault that your parents are dead,” Hermione said as she rolled her eyes.

“No! Voldemort killed them!” Harry screamed at her, the emotion clogging his head and heart.

“Control your temper, Harry! James would never act the way you do! Also, if you hadn’t been born, your parents could have escaped Voldemort easier than the snap of my fingers!” Sirius said with a sigh. “They were so disappointed when they had you. They thought you would amount to something great!” Sirius shook his head sadly.

“No… shut up!” Harry screamed at his godfather.

“It’s true. Look at yourself Harry! You’re a spoiled, selfish brat who has a saving-people-complex. I mean you just need all the glory, don’t you? Just like Draco said!” she sighed.

“I don’t! I… I just want to help people!”

“No, you want to make yourself look better by seeming caring. You have a horrible temper, Harry! You pretend to be someone you’re not!” Hermione scolded. Anger slowly rose in Harry’s chest, burned in his throat.
He remembered the mirror… he remembered how he had broken it… he couldn’t let his temper get out of control…

“You’re the boy-who-lived… but you’re also the boy who killed his parents! You killed my best friend in the entire world, Harry Potter!” Sirius sobbed at Harry, tears forming in his dark eyes. “I wish I had fallen through that veil! If I had I wouldn’t have to deal with a disappointment of a godson who killed the people who mattered the most to me!” he screamed at Harry.

“I hope that this tumor really does kill me, Harry. I hope that I die so I don’t have to suffer through any more of your complaining or self-pity. I hope I die so I don’t have to listen to you mope around or take your anger out on the world or complain about how your silly scar hurts. You’re just a foolish boy who got lucky a couple times. Fame has gotten to your head… you’re worse than Malfoy. Why do you think that I spend most of my time with him?” Hermione asked in a snarl.

“Just shut up!” Harry screamed, falling to his knees in horror and pain. He didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to hear this. “Just shut up!”

“I hate you, Harry Potter…”

“Shut up!”

“You’re a disappointment to your parents…”

“Shut up!”

“You are no longer my godson…”

“SHUT UP!” Harry screamed one last time and felt the ripple of power rush through him again. He opened his eyes and there was no a broken window, but Sirius being shoved backwards by some sort of invisible force that knocked him past the veil.
Hermione stood there silent, staring at the veil. She turned to Harry. Her face was cold and impassive.

“You killed him, Potter. You really are a murderer,” she hissed and then chased Sirius through the veil, disappearing forever from Harry’s life.

Harry threw his head back and screamed.



Ron had been sitting at breakfast. He had been talking about the upcoming Quidditch Match and a move he was planning on doing when he noticed that Harry wasn’t exactly paying attention. He was slowly nodding off.
Ron sighed. That’s what he gets for having nightmares like that. He remembered how the glass had just been cracking. Ron had felt the surge of whatever it was. It seemed to radiate from Harry… he couldn’t describe what it was, but he knew that it was Harry who had done that to the window.

“Hey, Ginny, ready for the match tomorrow?” Ron asked his sister. Ginny shrugged. She looked tired, worn out. He sighed. Harry was having nightmares and his sister was slowly going into depression. Hermione was going to be dead in two weeks and she was being all cuddly with his school rival.

What was wrong with this school?

He picked at his pancakes, thinking about Hermione. He remembered how he had spent hours trying to scrub her blood from his hands as he sobbed… he had cried so much that he was completely dried out. He was completely numb.

He listened to Harry mutter in his sleep about something… something about being alive. Ron sighed and shook his head. The poor chap.

For once in his life, Ron wasn’t hungry. He looked around at all of these happy faces, none of them knowing that the smartest girl in school was slowly dying. Her brain was being popped by some stupid tumor. Ron hated tumors. They were stupid.

Then, Harry gripped the table in his sleep. He dug his fingernails into the wood.

“Just shut up,” Ron heard him mutter. Ron furrowed his eyebrows.

“Mate… wake up…” Ron shook Harry’s shoulder gently.

“Shut up!” Harry cried out in his sleep. Ginny’s eyes snapped to Harry.

“Is he alright?” she asked. Others were beginning to stare at Harry. Their eyes focused on him as his face scrunched up and tears fell from his sleeping eyes. There were whispers and people pointing…

“SHUT UP!” Harry bellowed and with a jerk of his body he fell backwards and onto the floor. Ron could feel it now. It was the same feeling that had woken him the night before, right before the window had begun to crack…

“Ginny, we have to wake him up!” Ron cried. Ginny leapt to Harry’s side and shook him violently. They shouted at him to wake up. Ron could feel his hair begin to stand on end. Ginny’s hair was sticking out in all directions.

“What’s happening?” Ginny muttered as she reached up and touched her hair. That was when Harry let off a scream like nothing they had ever heard before. They were literally thrown backwards by some sort of unseen force. The air seemed to vibrate around Harry, and the plates and utensils and dishes on all of the tables began to vibrate. The students watched in horror as for the longer Harry screamed, the more the plates and dishes rattled and clanked. Food was spilled everywhere, goblets knocked over. People cried out as their robes were ruined.

Ron struggled to walk towards Harry, though he felt like he was walking through thickened water. He stood over Harry and bent down. Sweat was dripping off of his forehead as he strained to raise his arm.
Somehow he managed to swing his hand down and slap Harry hard across the face.
Harry’s eyes shot open and he gasped. There was a loud clatter as all the dishes become perfectly still. Not another sound was made in the Great Hall as everyone turned to stare at Harry’s sweating and disheveled person. He looked in horror from one staring face to another.

“I have to see Hermione… I killed him…” he sobbed and ran from the Great Hall and sprinted towards the Head Common Room.


Chapter 30 - We Have What They Want
“Killed who? Oh dear, what happened? Harry, tell me!” Hermione cried and led Harry to the couch. Draco came on and was slipping a shirt on over his bare chest, his eyes filled with hate for Harry yet still mild concern and curiosity.

“I killed Sirius,” Harry sobbed and buried his head in Hermione’s shoulder. A rush of relief came over her face and she stroked his head soothingly.

“Oh Harry,” she whispered and kissed the top of his head sweetly. Anger and jealousy filled Draco but she shot him a warning glare. He threw his arms up in frustration and stormed back into his bedroom. “It wasn’t your fault,” she tried to reassure him and stroked his arms soothingly. His sobs had died down into a whimper.

“You don’t understand, Hermione. He told me… he told me I was a disappointment… and that I was… I wasn’t… his godson anymore,” he said through his hiccups. He still had his face buried in the curve from Hermione’s neck to her shoulder, and he was breathing deeply and shakily.

At first Hermione was in horror and shock that Sirius would ever say such a thing, and then he continued.

“Then you told me that I was self-obsessed and I had a hero complex and I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t… that I didn’t care I just wanted attention…” he continued, more calmly. Then his voice began to crack again as he continued. “Then… then you told me you wish you would die so you wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore… and Sirius… and then I… I lost my temper and shoved him beyond the veil…” he continued before giving an extra large hiccup.

“Harry, it was just…”

“You told me that you hated me, Hermione! You called me a murderer and walked through the veil!” he cried out angrily and jerked back to look her in the eyes. “Please tell me you don’t feel that way,” he begged quietly.

“Of course not, Harry!” she assured him. “It was all just a nightmare. Sirius never said or thought those things, I assure you. Please calm down,” she begged with him. He held onto her tightly, breathing heavily and trying to control his emotions.
After a few minutes, he pulled away and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“I’m sorry… here I am, being the exact thing that you called me in my nightmare. I mean I’m just feeling sorry for myself when…” she placed a firm hand on his shoulder before giving it a firm squeeze.

“Harry, I want to be here for you. It’s a pleasant change being needed by others,” she said quietly. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand in his own large, square one. She noticed that his hands were rough and callused, barely even considered soft even in the folds of his skin. She could tell housework, yard work, Quidditch, and just plainly working to survive had taken its toll on his hands.


“Harry! Hermione! Open up! Bloody hell what’s going on?” Ron voice called stubbornly from the portrait. She heard Sir Bentley.

“I say, Miss Granger. Please open up quickly if you know this boy. I fear he might be on the verge of burning me down.”

Hermione hurried to the portrait entrance and it opened quickly. Ron burst inside, Ginny close behind him. Ron looked at Hermione and froze. His eyes flickered to the back of her head. Tears filled his eyes and he embraced her tightly, just as he had at the very beginning of the year.
She sighed and let him hold her. He was strong and reassuring, just like Draco and Harry. She was blessed to have such strong and protective men in her life.

“Hermione, I’m so sorry,” he said, trying to control his emotions. “You know I’d face a hundred giant spiders for you,” he added. Hermione giggled.

“I think that’s one of the nicest things… you’ve ever said to me,” she smiled at him brightly, tears filling her eyes. She was about to say anyone but then remembered everything Draco had told her.

“Yes… well… no offense or anything, Hermione, but there’s something much more important going on,” Ron said. Hermione smiled even brighter.

“Actually, that’s even nicer than the spider comment.”

“It’s good to have you back, Hermione,” Ginny told Hermione and then hugged her quickly and awkwardly. “We’re always here for you,” she added quickly before following her brother into the Common Room. Harry sat guiltily on the chair, taking what Ron was dishing out.

“Bloody hell, Harry! What exactly was going on in there?” Ron demanded to know quite loudly.

“What’s going on?” Hermione asked Ginny in a whisper as the boys continued to argue.

“Well, at breakfast this morning Harry was having some sort of nightmare. Then he started screaming and… I don’t know… some sort of energy wave or something knocked Ron and I back quite a ways. Then all the dishes were shaking like mad like there was an earthquake or something. All the while Harry was screaming… somehow Ron managed to slap Harry and wake him up and everything just became still,” Ginny explained quickly. Hermione’s eyes widened.

“I don’t know what happened! Ron I don’t even know if I did it!” Harry exclaimed in annoyance.

“Oh please! You have know what you’re doing to be able to do it in your sleep!” Ron snapped.

“Yea? Well how did I blow up my aunt? Hmm? And in my fifth year how is it that I somehow electrocuted my uncle into not throttling me? And last year! Remember when Snape wouldn’t shut up and somehow his cauldron exploded? I did that! I don’t know how!” Harry screamed at Ron in anger.

“Ron, it’s not Harry’s fault,” she told the redhead. Ron glanced at her and then furrowed his eyebrows.

“I know it’s not HIS FAULT! I just wanted to know how he ruddy well did it!” Ron stomped his foot. Hermione sighed loudly.

“Well apparently Harry has so much magic repressed inside of him that sometimes it just sort of… well… comes out in bursts,” she said with a shrug. “At times of high emotional stress there must be some sort of overflow…”

“So you’re telling me when Harry has a temper his mojo gets out of whack?” Ron demanded to know. Hermione paused for a moment and thought over the strange saying.

“Well… yes… I suppose you could say that,” Hermione mumbled. Ginny gasped a little and Ron threw up his hands.

“So, Harry isn’t just famous and rich, he has to be an all-powerful wizard! In the name of Merlin, Harry, how’d you get off so lucky?” Ron shouted.

“Lucky? Lucky! Ron, my parents are DEAD! SIRIUS IS DEAD! EVERY NIGHT I HAVE NIGHTMARES THAT I’M KILLING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY! I’M BEING NEGLECTED AND PRACTICALLY ABUSED BY MY AUNT AND UNCLE AND MY BEST FRIEND IS GOING TO BE DEAD IN TWO BLOODY WEEKS! YOU CALL THAT EFFING LUCKY?” Harry screamed.

The coffee table in the middle of the Common Room made an incredibly loud cracking sound as it split in two. Draco’s Transfiguration essay spilled onto the floor, as did Hermione’s bottle of ink.
Everyone stared at Harry in absolute wonder. His face turned red and he sat back down on the couch, for he had stood in anger while he was screaming at Ron. He buried his face in his hands.

“I wish I weren’t the boy-who-lived… I wish I were the boy-who-had-parents or the-boy-who-had-a-godfather… what I really wish is that I were the-boy-without-a-ruddy-scar,” he mumbled grumpily.
Hermione laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly.

“Even if you are the boy-who-doesn’t-have-parents, and the-boy-without-a-godfather… and even a boy-with-a-ruddy-scar, we all still love you,” she mumbled and gave him an extra tight squeeze.
Ron and Ginny nodded.

“Yea… sorry for the outburst mate. You know I didn’t mean it. It’s just… I mean I’m barley considered a wizard and I can’t even afford dress robes, and here you are… you know what, never mind. I guess we both have things the other wants,” Ron laughed as his ears turned red.
Harry laughed and smiled, the last of his frightened tears drying on his face.

“But you know what we both have that everyone else wants?” Harry asked.

“Uh… fiendishly good looks?” Ron asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“Well, besides that,” Harry laughed and Hermione rolled her eyes.

“No idea, mate.”

“We… meaning all of us… have a friendship that I don’t think anyone ever imagined possible,” Harry said with a sigh and the others were silent with small, coy smiles on their lips.

Little did they know that there was a certain blonde-haired ferret leaning against his doors and fighting off the sadness trying to swallow him… he brushed the tears from his eyes and whispered to himself.

“Potter, you don’t know how right you are.”



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